Choices are tough
by WhiteRosesHaveBlackThorns
Summary: Namiku Riku is greatly conflicted between two choices...Dilemma, or not?


_C'mon Riku. You can do it. Just a little scratch. It's not like it'll kill you, right?_

_But…What if I _want _to die?_

_Well then…Just cut a little deeper._

********

This was the struggle that Riku had to endure day after day, night after night. Whenever he was alone, he'd take out the small knife he had on him at all times, and contemplate whether or not he should do it _now _or _later_.

For the past couple of days, _later _had been the answer. But he was getting closer each and every day, and if it weren't for Namine, he'd have done it already. The part of his mind that wanted him to carry out the task was always saying that no one would miss him, but the other part that wanted to drop the knife and run always pointed out that _Namine _would care, that _Namine _would be the one at his funeral, crying over his body, and eventually killing herself out of grief.

But, hey, what's life without a little sacrifice?

It wouldn't be a _little sacrifice_, though. It'd be much bigger. He _loved _Namine- he couldn't just leave her because his life sucked a little from time to time.

He could.

But he wouldn't.

He _could_, and he _would_.

If his way of thinking was correct, then when he died, he could just wait for her, and then rejoin her. The sooner, the better, right?

What if he was wrong? What if he just disappeared, and took Namine with him? Could he really do that? _He _wasn't loved, but Namine was.

His thoughts were interrupted when a loud banging noise reached his ears. Riku quickly hid the knife up his sleeve, and shouted "Come in!"

"Hey, Riku, why'd you lock your door?" asked Sora, Riku's loud and goofball-ish friend.

"Oh, was it locked? I didn't notice," Riku smoothly lied. The knife pressed against his wrist. Riku pretended to push his sleeve up, while he was actually moving the knife higher up his arm. He bled a little bit, but he couldn't care less.

"Of course you didn't notice," Sora said skeptically. "Anyway, you any closer to getting Namine?"

"Nope. You any closer to getting Kairi?"

"Ah, touché. But," Sora said, putting on a faux French accent, "I vill tell 'er today."

Riku's eyebrow shot up in disbelief. "Liar," he accused.

"Darn. You caught me. But, I _will _tell her…eventually."

"'_eventually…'_" Riku mocked.

"Oh, shut up."

"I _will…_eventually." Riku narrowly dodged the punch Sora was aiming at him, and said "Okay, okay, I'm sorry! Jeez, don't get your knickers in a bunch."

"So, what's your plan?"

"For what?" Riku asked, confused.

"For getting Namine to notice you!" Sora exclaimed.

"Dude, in case you didn't know, Namine's my best friend."

"I know. I mean in a way other than a friend."

"I don't need a plan."

"Of course you don't."

"Riku! One of your friends is here!" Riku's mom shouted.

Riku smirked, knowing exactly who it'd be. "See? I don't need a plan." Riku walked out of his room, slid down the staircase canister, and nearly fell flat on his face in front of his best friend and love, Namine Strife.

"Hey Riku!" Namine greeted him, beaming.

"Hi Nami." Riku was suddenly short of breath. Namine's beauty always astounded him.

"What's up?" she inquired.

"Nothing much," Riku lied. "Hey, want to go hang out in my room? There's something I need to tell you."

"Sure." Namine followed Riku up the stairs, and tittered silently when he almost tripped.

"Sora," Riku whispered when he got to his room, "would you mind leaving?"

"'Course not, bud. Good luck," Sora replied, leaving.

Namine plopped down on Riku's bed, and patted the space next to her.

"What is it that you wanted to tell me?" she asked, smiling at him. Riku might never know it, but Namine really liked him.

"I…I…." Riku choked. He swiftly glanced at Namine's beautiful cerulean eyes, and stared at the floor again. Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in his arm.

"Ow!" he cried out, instinctively putting his other hand over the growing red stain that soaked through his white shirt.

"Riku, what's wrong?" Namine asked, concerned.

"It's…nothing."

_Lies, lies, LIES! Is that all you can say to her?! To anyone?! _

"Let me see that," Namine said softly, grabbing his arm. He snatched his arm out of her grasp, and tightened his hand around the wound, trying to hide it.

"Please? I won't touch it directly, I promise. Just let me see it," she begged.

"…Fine," he grunted. Riku grudgingly allowed Namine to examine his arm, praying that she wouldn't notice that he had a knife hidden up his sleeve.

"Well, I have no clue how it could've happened, but you definitely cut your arm," Namine concluded. Riku heaved a sigh of relief. She hadn't noticed the knife.

"Wait a second…What is that?" Namine asked, pointing at the small bulge that was the knife. She raised her eyebrows in suspicion.

"Nothing…"

"Yeah, just like that cut was nothing. Roll your sleeve up."

Riku hesitantly obeyed, and watched in dismay as the small knife fell from his sleeve onto his bed. Namine's eyes were as big as melons.

"What the…?! Riku…?!" Her horrified voice trailed off. Riku hung his head in defeat.

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

"How…How could you? Why would you even consider it?"

He kept silent.

"Did you think about what your friends would do? Did it cross your mind that we would miss you?" she demanded. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she let one escape.

"Yes," he admitted. "I've thought about it."

"Did you think about the pain I'd be going through if you died?"

That one struck him hard. Yes, he had thought about it. That had been the only thing stopping him.

"Namine, I…I'm sorry," he apologized again. His own eyes started tearing up, and he put his arms around Namine, and shifted her so that she was on his lap.

"Why?" she whispered sadly.

"Things get tough sometimes."

"You don't need to resort to this. I'm always here," she said.

"I know."

"So why did you?"

"…I don't know."

Namine looked up at him and said "Promise me you won't think of it ever again. Please. I couldn't handle it if you left."

"I promise…And I still need to tell you something," Riku said.

"What is it?"

"I…I love you," he managed to say. It felt like the world was being lifted from his shoulders. Indeed, he was tired of being Atlas.

Namine looked shocked, but then smiled. "I love you, too."

Riku bent over and kissed Namine's head, then her lips.

"Don't go," she whispered.

"I'll never leave."


End file.
